How Well Do You Let Go and Move On?

This is part 2 of my “Letting Go” series. If you missed Part 1 “When your buttons get pushed how well you you manage?” you can find it here

Whether you’re letting go of a cherished idea or person or a vision of how life was supposed to be, it can feel excruciating to leave something or someone behind. It can feel as though you’re losing a part of yourself.

Sometimes you might even feel attached to your anger and resentment. But letting go can be an empowering act, because it pushes you to develop important resources like courage, compassion, forgiveness and love.

Answer the following true/false questions to discover how well you release what’s no longer viable:

Set 1

1. I have a hard time letting go of grudges. When someone does me wrong, they are permanently on my “bad” list.

2. I somehow feel it’s “noble” to never give up, and this has caused me to stay in unhealthy relationships or situations.

3. When an intimate relationship ends, it can take me years to get over it.

4. I spend a lot of time living in the past—sometimes reliving old glory days, sometimes replaying what I wish I’d done differently.

5. When I make a mistake, I can’t stop dwelling on it and kicking myself.

6. I feel paralyzed by my fear of the unknown. I can’t let go of what I have when I don’t know what will replace it.

Set 2

1. When negative emotions arise, I allow myself to fully experience all my feelings, and I quickly find myself in a better emotional state.

2. Leaving behind a situation that isn’t working for me is the most self-caring thing I can do.

3. Finding a way to forgive someone—and sometimes myself—allows me to release anger and blame.

4. When I’m in conflict with someone, sharing my feelings allows me to feel heard, release my negative feelings and return to a place of peace and connection.

5. Although keeping the status quo may feel safer, I am committed to making choices that help me get out of my comfort zone and grow.

6. When dealing with the grieving process around the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship, ultimately finding a way to accept what IS, even though still sad, brings me greater peace.

How did you do?  This isn’t to judge yourself, only to observe so you can put words to your feelings, validate those emotions and move on. If you answered true to any in Set 1 and could use some support I’d love to have you join my Group Call on the topic of Forgiveness on April 19th @ 1pm MT. Sometimes finding peace is simply a matter of be willing to forgive ourselves and others.

Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications

When Your Buttons Get Pushed, How Well Do You Manage?

QUIZ:
When Your Buttons Get Pushed, How Well Do You Manage?

When you have an automatic, negative response to something, this often indicates a hypersensitivity that’s referred to as “getting your buttons pushed.” Usually these sensitivities have developed due to hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or feeling controlled.
image

For example, if your parents were very controlling, when someone tells you to do something you may resist—often subconsciously. Sometimes these sensitivities stem from generational fears we’ve inherited.

Answer the following two sets of questions, true or false, to discover how well you manage when you feel like your buttons are being pushed.

Set 1

1. When my buttons get pushed, I tend to shut down and withdraw.

2. When someone hurts me—even when I know it was unintentional—I blame myself for the situation.

3. When I feel offended by something someone said or did I let them know, often by lashing out.

4. I hate it when someone tells me I’m “too sensitive.”

5. When someone says or does something that triggers the feelings connected to an old emotional pain, it takes me a long time to let go of it and feel centered again. I often carry a resentment.

6. Sometimes I have no idea why I do what I do—I just can’t control myself.

7. Once someone pushes my buttons, that’s it—my wall goes up and stays up. I feel like a powerless little kid.

Set 2

1. When old feelings are triggered by something in the present, I take a deep breath, acknowledge that old feelings have been activated, get myself to a safe and comfortable environment and seek the support I need.

2. Rather than feeling victimized and blaming someone for pushing my buttons, I, again, take a deep breath, and then take an honest look at myself to see what I can learn from the situation.

3. I’ve worked to uncover old, painful issues so that I can release what was triggered and not feel at the mercy of my emotional response.

4. When I feel triggered, I understand that it usually has nothing to do with the person who pushed my buttons.

5. I’m familiar with my most common “buttons”; I recognize them more quickly now and am less reactive.

6. When my buttons do get pushed now, I am able to see the unresolved issues needing my attention.

7. I feel like an empowered adult when I can courageously look at my emotional triggers and work through them.

If you answered TRUE to any in Set 1, you probably recognize there are some things you could let go of to help you be more congruent with your best self.

If you answered TRUE more often in Set 1 and FALSE more often in Set 2 I’d love to help you experience life without dragging those triggers around with you any longer.

If you answered FALSE more often in Set 1 and TRUE more often in Set 2, yay you! You’ve obviously done the work to recognize your unresolved issues and are working through them. SimplyHealed is truly the fastest, most thorough, and most graceful way I know to do that.

See, it’s not about who’s pushing your buttons and why.
The questions I look at are:

  • Where did those buttons come from?
  • Why are you carrying them?
  • And most importantly, are you now willing to let them go?

Yes, it is possible to be free of old, buried (and sometimes not-so-buried) negative emotions that cause you to “take” offense even when none is given.

I absolutely love what I do because every day I get the privilege of helping people release the heaviness that’s come from their life situations so they can live a life they are happy living!

If there are areas in your life where you wish you were stronger and more confident, or if you know you have triggers you’d like to release so you can live the life you were born to, here are some options of how I can help:

Stay tuned next month for Part Two of this Quiz and learn more about letting go and moving on to a more positive life that you love!

Author’s content used under license, © 2010 Claire Communications

Vibe Raising 101

Over the years in my work as a teacher of Energy Healing, one of the questions I get asked a lot is…”how can I keep my vibration high and maintain it even on tough days?”

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a magic formula to keep our personal vibration strong and positive at all times?

Well, it’s not about magic formulas, or an ancient secret or new age discovery that will teach us how to make that happen, but it is about remembering what you already intuitively know to do.

Truth is, anything that makes you feel joyful and alive is a vibe-raiser.

Here are 6 easy actions that you can put into action right now that will help raise and strengthen your vibration:

As I always say, our energy speaks louder than our words, and there are simple things that we can do to keep our energy vibrant.

1. Remember that energy follows thought. In any situation, you can use positive affirmations to boost your energy field.

2. Own your power! Reminding yourself that your personal energy field is vivid and powerful will naturally boost your vibration.

3. Picture yourself surrounded by a field of strong and vibrant light, and even better, see that light originating within you. This, by way, is my favorite way to ‘shield’ myself. Watch my short video about it here.

4. Look for the good in others. Don’t allow negative energy to overtake you through gossiping or complaining. By speaking only well of others, you stay connected to the “best version of you” which feels happy, increases self-confidence, and of course strengthens your vibration.

5. Acknowledge your own good qualities. Don’t dwell on what you believe are your negative attributes. When faced with a challenge, an unfamiliar situation or a stressful social occasion, don’t buy into the false beliefs that you are awkward, or that you have nothing to offer conversationally, or that you are in any way less than others. We all have light sides and shadow sides, it’s part of being human. Self-pity is heavy energy, so dismiss those negative thoughts by flipping them to something you like about yourself.

And number six, is my personal favorite. It is an age-old, tried and proven, definitely-works remedy for a waning personal vibration. Are you ready…. Drum roll please…

6. Be kinder than you need to be.

Yep, that’s it! Kindness through service to others literally raises your energetic vibration!

Of course, you know that, because you’ve experienced how warm and rewarding it feels to reach out with kind service to another. Since what you send out is what you get back, it makes sense that if you seek for happiness, helping someone else experience happiness will automatically bring it your way as well.

When we help our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. It’s a win-win situation!

My December List

There are so many extra “to dos” during December, and I realize sometimes a regular routine can get lost in the flurry, at least mine can!

So here’s my personal simple reminder list of eleven self-care BASICS to keep me balanced anytime I’m going through an extra busy time. Holiday time is a really good time to make sure none of these slip through the cracks!

I hope my list helps you too:

  • Eat a minimum of one raw fruit and one raw vegetable each day
  • Drink plenty of water (with extra treats you may need more than you think)
  • Get enough sleep -listen to your body when it needs rest
  • Stick to your exercise routine, even if time-wise you need to shorten it some days
  • Be still for at least 5 min each day -breathe deeply to connect your body, mind, and spirit
  • Don’t neglect writing daily in your gratitude journal, it only takes a minute and yields great rewards
  • Practice staying in the moment- wherever you are, tell yourself “Be here now” and whether you are in traffic, or standing in a long check out line, or anywhere else, find the beauty in it
  • See the humor in situations and share the laughter with others (this always lightens me up!)
  • Take time for TEA. I’m referring to MiracleTea® – for me it helps with brain fog, better sleep, cleans up toxins if I sneak in a soda pop!
  • Each day do at least one act of service for someone else (even small things count!)
  • Do Less Better – this has been my mantra for a few months and has helped me tremendously! I’ll write an article about how it’s helped me and can help you too, in an upcoming newsletter.

The Call to Create

creative

The sound may be faint as the stirring of a soft breeze through the trees or as loud as a brass band in a parade. Or you may not hear a sound at all, but feel an urging, an inner pull, a sense of excitement and longing that resonates from within. This is the call to create, and it is universal, bidding each of us to bring something new into being.

“Creativity is the Self searching for itself,” said George Gamez, Ph.D., author of How to Catch Lightning in a Bottle. We create in order to express our unique visions and perceptions. We create to communicate and to form a bond with our fellow human beings. Creative expression helps us feel connected to the world and builds bridges of understanding. It nourishes us and helps us grow, provides insights and deeper understandings. Creativity is fun, exciting and playful. It relieves stress and releases tension. It provides a way of communication when normal channels may be blocked or are insufficient—when we must speak in colors and textures and shimmering visions and music.

Creativity is love expressing itself; it heals and renews. Our creations are mirrors in which others may see themselves and the signature of our lives that says, “This is how I saw it.”

Everyone is Creative

No matter what you may have been told, every one of us is creative. It is as much a part of us as our voice and breath and fingerprints. Creativity isn’t just about making “art.” Cooking, gardening, handiwork and crafts, keeping a journal are all creative acts. Arranging flowers or rearranging furniture, painting a picture or painting a room, singing on stage or singing in the shower—these are responses to the call.

Creativity is a way of living. It is being spontaneous and playful, exercising the imagination, finding solutions, and embracing possibilities and doing it all with passion.

Yet for all the joy and fulfillment it brings, some resist the call to be creative. In our culture the ideas that “Time is money” and “Art is frivolous” are common, and old messages such as, “Stay inside the lines” or “You can do better than that” have remarkable staying power. It takes courage to look beneath the surface of what we’ve been told in order to find our heart’s desire.

Creativity requires risk-taking. It asks us to surrender, to let go and to trust. “Committing to our creativity is an act of faith,” wrote Jan Phillips, in Marry Your Muse. “A promise to believe in ourselves.”

Honoring the creative Self means finding time, making space, being patient and taking the chance of looking foolish. You cannot care too much what others think or say. You must be willing to start over and stay with it; creativity takes stamina. There are no magical secrets or absolute rules. Creativity can’t be taught. You just do it.

Like the body’s natural urge for motion and the human need for connection and community, the spirit longs to express itself. So when you hear the call to create, answer, “Yes.” It is your self searching for your Self, a movement toward being whole.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Play to Your Strengths

strengthHow often have you invested in a personal growth training to try to improve something you felt you were not good at? Perhaps it was writing, marketing, trusting your intuition or public speaking. For most of us, trying to improve our weak areas in operating a business or improving people skills comes with the territory. Whatever the area, we feel as if we are required to do battle with what we don’t do well.
As it turns out, the majority of people around the world feel this way. In their groundbreaking book Now, Discover Your Strengths, authors Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton say that across all ages and cultures, people are more concerned about their weaknesses than their strengths. We believe that our weaknesses matter more in holding us back than our strengths matter in advancing us.
That’s nonsense, say the authors—widely held nonsense, but nonsense nonetheless. In their provocative theory, they suggest that the better strategy is to play to your strengths, building upon your core talents, and work around your weaknesses. You can work to add skills and knowledge to increase your performance in any area, but unless you are building upon one of your innate talents, your efforts won’t produce exceptional results—some results, yes, but not dramatic improvement.
“Unless you have the necessary talent, your improvements will be modest,” write Buckingham and Clifton. “You will be diverting most of your energy toward damage control and very little toward real development.”

The expression “damage control” is their term for trying to minimize your weaknesses—the areas where your lack of talent actually get in the way of your performance.

“Managing Around” a Weakness

Instead of trying to overcome your weaknesses by brute force—and at the expense of putting the same energy into growing your strengths—they offer five strategies for what they call “managing around” a weakness: (Note: most of these strategies are written in business terms, but for those of you not in a business-setting, they are still great, as they can easily be applied to all areas of life)

Get a little better at it. In some cases, your weakness is only moderately impeding your peak performance in other areas. If so, then maybe damage control is the right solution.

Develop a support system. This is the proverbial string tied around the finger to remind you of something. Whether it is time management systems for those with a talent for adaptability but not discipline, or a scheduled walk in the park for disciplined folks who neglect self-care, you can often blunt the effects of your weaknesses through such structured inputs.

Study your prospects. In business, if your skills tend toward the analytical and away from such talents as wooing clients or dealing directly with confrontation, then you probably ought not be spending a lot of time in sales. But when you do have to sell something—such as one of your ideas—approach the problem analytically. Rather than agonize over your lack of salesmanship, study your prospects, dig into what makes them tick and what ideas they’ve accepted in the past, and let your enthusiasm for your ideas do the talking.

Find a partner. This may be the best approach for small business people and “solo” practitioners. Go into partnership discussions with a clear-eyed understanding of the strengths you bring, and the strengths you need from your partner. Don’t be shy about your strengths—the whole point of this is to create a world in which you get to do what you are really good at. And be open-minded about what a partnership looks like. For some solo practitioners, an administrative assistant or a marketing consultant could be all the partnering you need.

Just (Don’t) Do It. The last option, say Buckingham and Clifton, is just don’t do the things you are weak at. In a corporate setting you might get away with this, particularly if you are a high-performer in the areas of your strengths. If you’re a small business owner and your organizational chart tends to have “me” written in most every box, not doing something may not seem like much of a choice. But keep it as a goal and continue to work toward the day when you can contribute to your business exclusively from the place of your highest strengths.

Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

Give Your Relationship a Tune-Up

car loveBuy a car and you get a wonderful machine, ready to go for thousands of miles and, likely, many years. You also get a hefty owner’s manual with operating instructions and lots of written reminders for yearly check-ups and tune-ups. Chances are you’ll have several years of warranty, and of course, if something is seriously wrong, you can take it back.

Find a partner—and you’re on your own. There is no owner’s manual. No operating instructions, warranty or guarantees for the road ahead.

“Think about it: the requirements for a driver’s license are tenfold the requirements for a marriage license,” writes Phil McGraw, Ph.D., in his book Relationship Rescue. He adds, “The very society that has taught you that it is good and right and natural to share your life with another person…never bothered to teach you how to do that.”

Most of us can do without a car if need be, but few of us want to do without love. Within most of us there is a basic human longing for connection and relationships with others. For many, the backdrop of a loving, committed relationship gives us the space to learn about ourselves and grow deeper as we age.

Like cars, relationships need maintaining and regular tune-ups. But because they don’t come with operating instructions, below is a simple maintenance guide to help you keep your love relationship strong, healthy and on the road for years.

Know What Kind of Driver You Are

Recent research has shown several things strengthen a marriage and other long-term partnerships: communication, honesty and spending time together. Just as important is knowing yourself and what you bring to a relationship. When you connect with yourself, and work on those challenging parts of yourself, you create a stronger and better partner for someone else. That isn’t just true in the first flush of falling in love, it’s true for the many years that follow. “Being intimate with ourselves is the necessary foundation for being intimate with others,” writes John Amodeo in Being Intimate: A Guide to Successful Relationships.

It’s Not Always the Other Driver’s Fault

Taking responsibility for your feelings and actions is one of the greatest gifts you can bring to a relationship. You know that “other guy” who’s the worst driver on the road? That just might be you. Own up to what’s yours, and be clear with your partner about what you’re feeling or needing. Try not to make your problems their fault.

Watch the Warning Lights

Cars give us little signs that something is wrong—perhaps the wheels are out of alignment or the oil light goes on. Our partners or spouses also send little warning signs that something is not quite right, and it’s better to deal with the problems in the early stages, so that everything is in good working order when real crisis hits. After all, when another car pulls out in front of you, that’s not the time to wonder if you had the brakes checked.

A Wash and Wax Doesn’t Hurt

Are you a road hog? An impatient and irritable driver? Do you refuse to let someone into line during traffic or lean too heavily on your horn? Try a little tenderness. Sometimes we treat people we don’t know a lot better than the ones we’ve lived with for years, and we forget simple courtesies: a loving tone, a touch, a word of appreciation.

Accept the Little Dents and Scratches

Even the “perfect” car turns out to have quirks and challenges. So do our partners—those “perfect” people we fell in love with once upon a time. Before you get angry, decide which issues are worth pursuing, and let the rest go.

Bless This Car

How many of us are grateful for this metal conglomeration of thousands of parts that somehow work together to take us to where we want to go? The same goes for our love relationships. Stop, turn off the ignition and take a moment to be grateful for your spouse or partner and the love you both share.

Get Help Before the Engine Fails

Like a car, you can fix many of the small problems in a relationship by yourself. But sometimes that ominous clanking under the hood is a signal that something is seriously wrong and a quick fix won’t work. That’s when it’s time to find a “relationship mechanic”—that is, a counselor or therapist—who will help you diagnose what’s wrong, and guide you on getting your relationship back on the road.

A relationship with another human being is so much more complex than owning a car. So, too, is the work required to keep a long-term relationship vibrant, passionate and strong. In the end, maintaining something that enriches us is surely worth the investment.

I’d love to hear ways that you have kept your relationship “engine” running. Share your thoughts with me below!

 

Author’s content used  under license, © 2008 Claire Communications

The Power of Intention

important“Conscious change is brought about by the two qualities inherent in consciousness: attention and intention,” writes Deepak Chopra in Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. “Attention energizes, and intention transforms. Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life…. Intention, on the other hand, triggers transformation of energy and information. Intention organizes its own fulfillment.”

When you declare an intention, you gain the support of your subconscious mind.
 
Here are some suggestions for how to work with intentions in order to bring what you need into your life.

  • Get clear on what you want and why. It’s not enough to know what you don’t want. You can’t get what you want until you know what that is. Steven Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes that all things are created twice. “There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.”
  • Imagine it. See it as happening. “Your imagination creates the inner picture that allows you to participate in the act of creation,” writes Dr. Wayne Dyer in his best-selling book The Power of Intention. “Your willpower is much less effective than your imagination, which is your link to the power of intention.”
  • Keep yourself receptive. Exercise, eat healthily, play and relax. Stress, exhaustion, anxiety, etc., become “static” that interferes with the “frequencies” of what you’re wanting to bring into your life.
  • Take action. Intention isn’t about sitting back and waiting for it all to come to you. For example, Victoria enrolled herself in a rehab program; Travis became involved with a social organization and took relationship classes to overcome his fear of dating; Doug began working with a therapist to examine the feelings of emptiness that led to his suicide attempt. When we commit to a thing by taking action, it’s often surprising how quickly our intentions are realized.   
  • Surrender control. This means to let go and trust. Let go of the particular way in which things will happen. Let go of fear, doubt, worry and disappointment. Let go of the notion of struggle. Trust that the outcome will be just right.

 

What do you think? Have you experienced the power of intention? Please share with us!

Your intuition plays a key role in strengthening your ability to use intention in powerful ways. Join me for this month’s Group Call – Developing Your Intuition!